Date: 06-06-12 20:55
John Mayer is the douche in every story. Even stories he doesn't actually appear in, for his douche-itude is so vast that it refuses to be contained by his mere physical presence.
Why did Billie Joe McAllister jump off the Tallahatchee Bridge? 'Cuz John Mayer's a douche.
Who killed Bambi? That douche John Mayer.
Who knocked on Coleridge's door and made him lose his train of thought while writing Kubla Khan? That was John Mayer, bein' a douche.
Why are Johnny, Joey and Dee Dee dead? The universe just couldn't bring itself to force them to live on the same planet as a douche like John Mayer.
Will the circle be unbroken? No, John Meyer is going to come along and break it just cuz he's a douche.